Recovery
by SkittlesGal
Summary: "You don't just forget. You can't just 'come to terms' with it all. You're not always okay at first. I didn't 'fall back' in love; it takes time to recover. Just remember Katniss, I love you, and no one is taking that away from you this time." Rated T for hunting, some violence, some mush, and possible mild swearing. -Skittles Disclaimer: I unfortunatley don't own THG.
1. Hunting

Katniss's POV

I crouch under the foliage, watching the deer. It can sense me, but it can't see me. It's a big one. I pray silently that I hit it; it's been a little over a week since Peeta came back from the Capitol. I've been out every day trying to hunt. This is the third time I've made it all the way out to the middle of the woods (the best place to hunt), but I haven't gotten this close to shooting anything yet.

I take a deep breath and draw my bow. The slight movement alerts it, but he still can't see me. I wait to see his muscles relax, then aim and fire. The deer collapses with a small _thump_.

I stand to examine my work and groan when I see it. I must be out of practice; I hit the deer above the eye and cracked the skull. A killing blow, but I should be able to do better.

The sun is rising and I want to get out of the woods before the mosquitos wake. I try to lift the deer and throw it over my shoulders, but it's a big one and I'm definitely not in top condition. Besides, Gale was the one that normally carried the large game, just out of routine. I stumble a few steps with the deer and set it down. There's no way I'll make it over two miles with the buck. It's got to be over 250 pounds.

I can only think of one solution. I don't like it, but I can't very well leave the buck here to rot. I really don't like the idea though….

I knock on Peeta's door and pray he's up. I realize that it's not even 7 in the morning yet. I knock again, just in case. This time he opens up and stands bleary-eyed in the doorway. Well, he's up now.

"Katniss? What is it? Is something wrong?" He sounds worried, and I'm confused at first. Is something wrong?

"No… Why?"

"Well, it's 6:30 in the morning and you look like you just came out of a tornado." He reaches forward and pulls a twig out of my hair. I can't help it, I tense at his touch. In response, Peeta jerks his hand back and his eyes glaze over. He leans against the wall in the entry way and gasps like he can't get enough air. I haven't seen him like this since that time in the tunnel trying to get through the Capitol.

"Peeta? Peeta, look at me!" I grab his face in my hands. "Breathe. You're OK. Peeta, stay with me!"

As quick as it started, the hijack episode ended. He smiles at me like it was mildly funny. I could be mistaken, but he might have chuckled. "Always. Now, what do you need?"

I roll my eyes at him. Here in 12, it's okay to laugh it off. In a tunnel with deranged mutts after us, it was different. "Can you… Um… Oh gosh. I can't believe I'm saying this… Ugh! Can you carry a deer back for me? It's probably 300 pounds and I can hardly lift it." I feel stupid saying it, but Peeta just smiles again.

"Can I go get changed first?" I realize that he's wearing a worn pair of pants and a plain t-shirt. His hair is all messy. It's almost cute… Where did that thought come from?


	2. Like You Don't Have Nightmares

_**Hey guys! I'm surprised, I got lots of subscribers! Every time I got on the computer I found three more emails saying there were more people! Means a lot to me!**_

_**GirlOnFire99- You have no idea how much your review means to me! (Well, maybe you do). Thanks!**_

**Chapter Two**

**Peeta's POV**

I can see Katniss cringe every time I step on a branch. I try to be quieter, but it's hard with a mechanical leg. She keeps muttering under her breath. I can't hear her, but I can guess she's not complaining about the trees.

I can't help it; I don't like the forest. It reminds me of the first arena. Katniss seems completely at home here, but I keep waiting for someone to jump out waving a sword or a spear. The woods just bring back too many dark memories.

Katniss seems to notice my jumpy nerves because she drops back next to me. "It does that to me too. I keep waiting for the next attack." I know exactly what she is talking about. "The difference is I know these woods like the back of my hand."

We walk for another mile in silence before we come to the deer. She wasn't kidding when she said it was a large buck. The poor beast was huge.

"I can get it, but we'll make slow progress. This isn't exactly a sack of flour."

Every so often, we stop. I'm starting to learn how to read Katniss's emotions again. She won't admit it, but she still hasn't recovered completely and tires quickly. I can see her growing weary, so I insist that we stop. At her suspicious glance, I groan. "This deer is heavy! I mean, if _you_ couldn't carry it Katniss…"

She glares at me but sits down. I think we stop like that about three or four times along the way back.

On one of these occasions, I decide to break the silence. "So, have you been doing alright, Katniss?" Stupid question, I realize. I hardly sleep at night and can barely eat anything; how could she be any better? How could anyone who had come through what we had be 'alright?'

She sighed and answered without looking up from the squirrel she was skinning. "I don't know. I don't wake up screaming anymore. Just tossing and turning… I'm learning to cope. You?"

"I guess the same. I've got lots of questions that no one in 13 or the Capitol can answer for me. Stuff about my life, my memories, the games…" I lean back against a tree and close my eyes, lost in thought.

**Katniss's POV**

I study Peeta as he rests against the tree. He says that he needs to rest… But I think he knows. Much as I hate to admit it, I just can't go as fast or as far as I'd like. I guess it'll take a long time for the after effects of the morphling to wear off.

Looking at Peeta, I'm starting to see little bits of the old him. The old Peeta that I think I might've been in love with. But right now, neither of us are ready for that.

We get up and trek on for another ten minutes or so when I slow down and let Peeta catch up to me. I look at him, walking along like having the 300 pound deer thrown over his shoulders is a breeze. After much contemplating (or as much as my brain can take) I decide to speak up. "Maybe I have some answers for you. I don't know why you haven't asked me yet. Or Haymitch. We know you better than anybody else alive." I choke on the last word but swallow my tears quickly.

"I thought about it, but I can't ask either of you to relive those times. It's not fair to you both."

I snort. "It's not like we don't relive them every night. Peeta, let us help. Don't tell me that you don't have nightmares."

_**I hope you liked that! I worked really hard on this chapter. It's hard to write about them being so distant. Please review! I won't post chapter three until I get at least 5 reviews (we'll start small).**_

_**-Skittles**_


	3. I Owe You One

_**So, I wrote this chapter while dancing at the computer to music from old Disney movies, so don't be too harsh. I think this chapter is kind of cute. Also introducing my favorite character: HAYMITCH! Enjoy.**_

**Chapter Three**

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss and I continue walking when all of a sudden, Katniss whips out her bow and shoots right above my head. She hits a squirrel, but I don't see that. All I see is that she shot at me. That deranged mutt, that I'm here helping, just tried to kill me!

It's almost like taking a back seat in my own head. I have no control over my body; I lunge at Katniss and hit the side of her head. I have inhuman strength, I simply pick her up and throw her at a tree and watch her body fall limp.

In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "What am I doing? This is Katniss! She'd never do anything to hurt me." But the part that controls me keeps yelling, "MUTT!"

I reach down and grab her neck. I squeeze. The hijacked part of my head says, "I kill her and that's one less evil in the world."

Suddenly Katniss's eyes fly open. "Peeta… Don't! We're still watching out for each other! Real or not real Peeta?" She chokes out.

I continue to squeeze the life out of her. My stupid demented mind thinks of how good it feels.

Just seconds now. Two seconds, and she's gone. One second. I put extra strength into my squeezing hands and watch the light fade in her startled eyes.

My eyes snap open. I'm not in the woods. I'm staring at my ceiling. It's been three days since Katniss asked me for help. I brought the deer back to her home, said goodbye, and left.

I can barely move. I need to make sure that Katniss is alright. I turn to look at her, but she's gone! Then I remember that those days are gone. I wouldn't want her in the same room with me at night… That's when I wake up out for cold blood. For the past – What? Four, five days maybe. I wake up hijacked just as bad as the first time I saw Katniss. I go crazy for about ten minutes and then just collapse. I've been told that it's the poison trying to exit my system, but no one knows how long it'll last.

I don't wake up like that every time, only once or twice a night, but I wake up at every nightmare… That is to say ten or so times a night.

I need to make sure that Katniss is okay. I've been living day to day just praying she'd be alright.

I walk downstairs to the phone. All the windows are open because it's hot outside. I glance out at Katniss's home across the street; all her windows are open too. The lights are off and I can't tell if she's alright or not.

Right next to her home is Haymitch's. He's still up. Ordinarily, I'd blame the lights and TV all being on (I can hear the TV from over here. He's watching a news broadcast) as a factor of him being drunk. But he's changed since we got back from 13. Haymitch has been trying really hard to give up drinking. When I asked him about it, he just said, "It's harder to watch out for you both if I'm drunk."

I pick up the phone and start to dial.

**Katniss's POV**

My phone starts ringing and wakes me mid-nightmare. I sit up and groan. Who could be calling me? Definitely not the doctor from 13…. I get up and wander downstairs. It doesn't stop ringing; someone really wants to get ahold of me.

"Hello?"

"Katniss!" It's Peeta; he sounds so relieved. I wonder why. "Are you alright?" The second time he's asked me that stupid question this week. How could either of us be alright for goodness' sake? Then again, his concern is a good sign. Hijacked Peeta would never think of calling me.

"I'm tired. It's 2 a.m. But you got me out of a nightmare. Thanks. I owe you one."

**Peeta's POV**

We say goodnight and hang up. She's alright then. Good.

I don't know why, but when she said, "I owe you one," something was triggered. Some memory in the back of my head that reminded me of the Katniss that I might've been in love with once.

_**Well, there you go! As I write this, I'm listening to "Poor Unfortunate Souls" from The Little Mermaid, so this whole chapter may come out a little odd. I originally intended it to end differently, but I decided to save what happened for later, because it showed Katniss and Peeta being a little too close and the flow just didn't seem there.**_

_**Please review! I didn't get the 5 reviews that I hoped for; please, please, please tell me what you think! It means a lot to me.**_

_**-Skittles**_


	4. Hijacked

_**So, I caught a 'typo' in the last chapter. I was working on both chapters 3 and 4 and accidentally said Haymitch would be in the last chapter; he actually doesn't show up until this one. Sorry :/ Enjoy chapter 4!**_

**Chapter Four**

**Katniss's POV**

I walk across the street and pounded on the door. Haymitch follows close behind. "I told you, he won't open up. He doesn't want us around." Haymitch repeats for the umpteenth time.

"Well that's just too bad for him." I force the window open.

Peeta locked his door about a week ago, and hasn't come out since. At night we hear clashing and banging, sometimes he yells, but when we try to find out what's wrong, he tells us everything is fine.

Last night, I was so scared for him and so frustrated that just as we started to get to 're-know' each other and then he shut himself out of the world that Haymitch came running over to find out why I was sitting on Peeta's front porch crying and yelling. We resolved to do something in the morning.

I've gotta' say that Haymitch has done a pretty good job staying sober since 13. I expected him to go back to his old drunk life, but when I asked him about it he just said, "Maybe it's time for me to remember again." And refused to say anything else on the subject. When I push him more he just glares at me and says in the patronizing way that only Haymitch can pull off, "Do me a favor and shut up sweetheart."

I let myself in through the window, feet first. Haymitch climbs in a little more clumsily and stumbles into a chair. As I help him up I look around. Everything is in shambles, like a rabid bear had been let lose in Peeta's house. "It looks like your place Haymitch. No offense."

"None taken. Let's just find Peeta. I can guess he won't be too happy about us breaking into his home."

I wander upstairs while Haymitch looks on the main floor. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's just headed for the kitchen to raid Peeta's fridge.

The carpet on the stairs is torn up and the banister is partially smashed, like someone had fallen on it. I still can't quite get the rabid bear image out of my head.

I look in Peeta's room, which is just as bad as the rest of the house, but don't see him. Then it strikes me. "The studio!" I whisper to myself.

Peeta has a large studio-loft on the second floor of his house. I was only there once, before the rebellion, but I'm sure he still uses it. I practically run there and want to scream in frustration when the door is locked. I rattle the handle to no end.

"Who's there? I'm armed. Stay away from the door." I hear Peeta's muffled voice.

This is stupid. "Peeta, it's me, Katniss. Open up."

"Katniss, I can't let you in. I'm dangerous. Please just leave." What is his problem?

"Peeta, don't be ridiculous. I'll be fine. I've got my knife, so if you attack me I'll just knock you out. Okay?" No answer. Just a loud crunch, like something being driven through the drywall.

This is getting ridiculous. I take my hunting knife and make a couple cuts in the door around the doorknob. When I think I did a good enough job, I kick the door hard. The latch gives in and I push the door open.

What I see shocks me. I know that Peeta painted in here, but I was in no way prepared for what I saw. Insanely realistic paintings were everywhere; paintings from the rebellion. Most of them were of my scared face while Peeta tried to kill me; in the hospital, in the Capitol, in District 13. I recognized every single one. A few were of Finnick being lost to the mutts, Annie screaming when she found out, Snow choking on blood, Coin falling off a balcony with an arrow in her heart.

Peeta has his back turned to me, facing a corner. He's holding something buried in the wall. I step closer and realize that he has a knife driven into the wall, and his face buried in his raised arm holding the weapon.

Gently, I place my hand on his shoulder. He doesn't react. I grab his hand holding the knife and began to pry at his fingers. He doesn't resist, just lets go. I take his shoulders and turn him around so he is facing me. He's suddenly limp and unresponsive. He sways a little bit.

I gasp when I tilt his face down towards mine. He is pale and has a huge scratch across his forehead. Dried blood covers half his face. "Peeta, what happened? Can you hear me?"

He doesn't answer me, but his eyes roll up in his skull and he falls into my arms.

I start yelling, "Haymitch! HAYMITCH! HELP!"

_***Gasp!* Oh no, what did I do to Peeta? (I made him into a cliffhanger, that's what) Personally, I don't think this chapter is very good. I know what I want to do in chapter 5, but I wasn't sure how to get there, so this is an awkward transition. I promise that ch.5 will be better! Don't forget to review!**_

_**-Skittles **_


	5. We're Not Leaving

_**Hey guys! Sorry it took a little longer to get this one out, I was a little busy. I know how to get you to review now, CLIFFHANGERS! (Mwahahaha) Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 5**

**Katniss's POV**

Haymitch comes running upstairs with what looks suspiciously like a sandwich hidden behind his back. He shoves it in his back pocket when he sees me barely holding Peeta up.

"What happened Katniss?" He keeps is voice steady, but I can tell he's worried because I think he's used my real name maybe never.

"I don't know. He didn't want me to come in, then when I knocked the door down, he was standing there and as I turned him around, he just collapsed." Unlike Haymitch, I'm having a hard time keeping my cool. I'm so worried that I can hardly stand up straight, let alone keep the unconscious Peeta from doing a face plant.

"We should get him to his bed." And with that, we both head out, dragging Peeta along as best we can.

By the time we've gotten Peeta settled, he's stirred twice but hasn't woken up. I go to his bathroom and grab a washcloth to get some of the blood off his face and take a better look at the cut that's just above his left eyebrow.

After a few minutes, Haymitch says, "One of us should call the doctor." He looks at me expectantly.

"Okay, you go call him. Whenever I talk to him, it ends in me screaming at him and him telling me that I'm safe and there is nothing to be afraid of." The plain truth is that I just can't stand him. All the doctors at 13 think they can understand what we've been through just by watching tapes and reading reports. I wonder if any of them have ever had to run for their lives or been shot at. That would change their whole theory on "being fine."

"Fine. Don't touch this." He sets his sandwich that's all smashed now on the nightstand and heads downstairs grumbling something about dead slugs and charm.

I continue to wipe away blood from Peeta's face and hands. Looking around, his room is as bad as the rest of the house, if not worse. Clothes everywhere, furniture tipped over. I can barely keep the tears prickling at the edges of my vision away. Peeta was always the calm, rational one until he got hijacked. Even a week ago, I considered him the one with all the self-control.

Peeta groans and slowly opens his eyes. "Katniss? What're you doing here? What is going on- Oh. Yeah." The poor boy looks like he wants to dig a hole and hide there for the rest of his life.

Gently, I reach forward and continue to wash the blood from the gash above his eye, which looks pretty nasty. "Haymitch and I just wanted to make sure you were okay, but when I got into your studio you passed out."

He takes a deep breath and pushes himself up slowly. "Katniss, I don't want you to worry. When I get hijacked, I can't control what I say. When I yelled, that wasn't me talking. It'll take time, but I'm getting better at controlling myself."

I look around the room with stuff scattered everywhere. "Oh yeah, I can see that you can completely control yourself right now."

A tear slowly rolls down his face and I brush it off. "Come on, stay strong. You're the sensible one, remember? How'd you get that gash? It's pretty nasty."

He grins weakly. "I tripped and hit my head on an easel in the studio. I wasn't even hijacked." Peeta swings his legs over the edge of the bed and goes to stand. I would stop him, but he might get hijacked again, which is the last thing either of us need. As soon as he's on his feet though, Peeta grabs a bedpost and sits back down. "Better not do that." He takes a few deep breaths and shakes his head. "It's time for you to go. Katniss, this isn't safe; this isn't right. I'm dangerous."

"Peeta! Why can't you see that you're dangerous to yourself? Someone needs to help you. Besides, I told you that Haymitch and I'll help piece things together for you."

We argue like this for several minutes when we hear Haymitch yelling from downstairs.

"No! You don't understand. We aren't sending him back. I am not sending him back to the Capitol for therapy…. Well you know what? You can keep your damn useless 'therapy' and flush it down the-"

I rush to the door and close it before we can hear Haymitch continue his lovely exclamations.

"See Peeta? Haymitch won't even let you leave for some 'damn useless therapy' because that would mean we couldn't take care of you. That's what we do, watch out for each other, remember?"

_**There you go! Please review! Please! Thanks ;) Also, feel free to put ideas out there for me, I'd be happy to use them. Oh, and a momentary celebration dance; OVER 1,000 VIEWS! *yay***_

_**The more reviews, the sooner I update! ;) –Skittles**_

_**PS I've started a new story called Impact about Percy Jackson and Annabeth when they go to see THG. It's a little fun but also sort of serious because what I was trying to do was point out some of the stuff that gets overlooked in THG that's more important than the romance etc… And some of the themes that Suzanne Collins wrote about that seemed to be ignored. Please check it out!**_


	6. I Could Hurt Her

_**Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews! They really do mean a lot to me ;) Enjoy chapter 6!**_

**Chapter Six**

**Peeta's POV**

"No, Peeta, we've told you. When they blew up 12, you had _nothing_ to do with that. If anything, I'd blame Katniss. She's the mutt after all." Haymitch is getting tired of me. Turning to Katniss he adds, "Sweetheart, I don't think that this is working."

"Well yeah, you're telling him I'm a mutt, of course it isn't working!" Katniss looks ready to slap our old mentor, who has wisely moved out of her arm's reach.

This is how it's been most of the week. Katniss came over the day after she broke in with Hazelle and started cleaning up my house. When I had a larger 'episode,' Katniss locked me in a closet. I wish she would just let the poison drain out of me on its own. Katniss and Haymitch can't do anything to change that, but they're both too stubborn to either admit it or leave me alone.

I'm not sure if them being around is helping or not.

"Okay, okay, stop it you two. _(From Skittles: See? Peeta's still the peacemaker, even if he's half crazed.)_ I've got another one. Katniss, I know it was just an act in the first games, but you loved me in the Quarter Quell. Real or not real?" I don't mean anything by this. I don't have feelings like I think I used to for her (we're just friends, if you can even call it that), but I want to know. I need to get my past straight.

Katniss stares off into space for a moment before answering. "Peeta, I'd like an answer to that question myself. Let me think about it." She's trying to hide her pain, I can see it in her eyes. Wait… Since when have I been able to read the expressions in her eyes? Maybe I'm getting better?

I just can't tell anymore. I was making obvious steady progress, if not slow, until about a month ago. I woke up from a nightmare in a cold sweat. I remembered Katniss saying that she and Haymitch could help me, but as I walked downstairs to call her, I got hijacked. But this wasn't like a normal episode. I was no longer in my house; I was in the Capitol being chased by peacekeepers. Katniss was shooting at me.

When I snapped out of it, my living room was destroyed. As I started to pick up, a mangy, giant mockingjay attacked me. It was huge, the size of a person. As it stood over me in triumph, pinning me to the ground with its foot, it sung out a high note that sounded just like… Katniss's voice. So _she_ sent the beast after me. I couldn't believe her. I trusted her!

It continued like that for several days. The doctor said that everything was 'fine' and that it was just the result of the poison the Capitol had injected into me leaving my system. But still, I could hurt somebody. How could he not get that? He didn't understand that I could hurt anybody around me, I could hurt myself.

I could hurt Katniss.

_**I know this is a short chapter and I'm sorry about that, I promise I'll try to make the next one longer. I'm also going to apologize in advance because the closer school gets, the harder it'll be for me to update. I'll try to get at least one chapter done in a week. Also, I've been considering showing more of what Haymitch is going through. What do you guys think? As always, please review! :)**_


	7. Mahogany

_**I apologize for the long author's note; I've got a lot to say.**_

_**So I got this chapter done sooner than I thought I would. YAY! I was trying to write a fun(ish) chapter here since it's about to get way more serious (maybe). Also, there will be some more with Haymitch in it, but the story is still about Katniss and Peeta. I'm tempted to try Haymitch's POV. Okay so that wasn't as long as I expected…**_

**Chapter Seven**

**Katniss's POV**

Peeta and I sit across from each other looking down at his kitchen table. He's holding a cold rag up to his broken nose. I'm holding a bag of ice against my bruised hand. Little dots of red are everywhere. I feel like I should apologize, but then Peeta will blame himself and another fight'll start. It's just that the growing silence is so awkward.

We've been like the past ten minutes.

"So… I'm sure there's a way around this next time it happens." I say.

"Like what? Katniss, how do you plan on stopping me next time?" Great, I think. Peeta's still all worked up. He takes a step towards me and raises his hand. He freezes as he's getting ready to hit me and I look desperately around for a weapon. "Katniss! Run! Just get out!" He gasps. Peeta has that desperate animal look that I know all too well.

His hand is still raised like he's about to strike when I grab a knife off the counter and hold it up against his thought, pushing him into the wall. "Didn't we just do this? I thought we just sorted this out!"

At that moment, I hear the front door open and close. Instinctively Peeta and I both freeze; he stops struggling against the kitchen knife against his neck and I stop pushing it into him.

Haymitch comes around the corner into the kitchen. "Hey the door was unlocked, so I let myself in. You know Peeta, I've been meaning to tell you about something that happened back in 13 that-" He stops when he sees us. I realize just how bad this looks. I'm holding Peeta against a wall with a knife in my hand and he's standing there weaponless. I turn and look into his eyes to see that the crazed look is gone, even though his face is covered in strange claw marks. It's okay for me to let him go.

As soon as I release the pressure from his throat we both realize how close we're standing to each other. We jump away awkwardly. Peeta rubs the back of his neck and I throw the knife point first into the table just to get it out of my hand (_from Skittles: THAT IS MAHOGANY!" … Sorry I couldn't resist_). "Sorry 'bout that." Oh gosh, why is Peeta apologizing? He can't help it. I open my mouth to say so but something stops me. He doesn't want to hear that.

"Me too." We stand there wondering what to do or say when I remember that Haymitch is still there, frozen in the kitchen entrance.

"Haymitch, we can-"

He cuts Peeta off. "Do I even _want_ an explanation?"

**Peeta's POV**

"Well I needed to get him away from the knife, so I threw… something… at him, and that's how his nose got broken. Do we need to go over every little detail here? Peeta got hijacked, I overreacted and hit him, it ended badly, but it's over now." Katniss doesn't explain what made me go crazy, and I'm very glad she didn't.

"Okay, then explain this sweetheart. The claw marks across his face. I don't think you scratched him like that." I have to try hard not to smile. My nose is broken, but it was pretty funny. I suppose it's a great example as to what makes Katniss, well, Katniss.

She grimaces. Katniss really doesn't want to answer this question. "Well, you know how I said I threw something at him? Well, that something was, ah, um…"

"She threw Buttercup at me and he latched onto my face. _That's_ how my nose got broken." When I meet Katniss's eyes, I realize just how lucky I am that she doesn't have the knife. I guess she didn't want Haymitch to know exactly what happened during the fight.

_**Okay, so there was originally **__**way**__** more to this chapter, but I had to cut it into two chapters because it was too long. So when I can find time to get chapter 8 up (maybe tomorrow if I get a lot of reviews) it'll pick up right here. PLEASE review! They make my day and my poor dachshund gets really excited because I start jumping up and down in my chair and thinks that there's something to be REALLY excited about. Review for the dachshund! ;)**_

_**Also, I feel like I should explain the part about Buttercup. I was texting my friend (Hi Mr. Squiggles!) because I had a horrible case of writer's block. She mentioned something about a story I was writing once where a character broke his nose when someone threw a hairdryer at him. I thought that that'd work out nicely here. If you didn't get it earlier, please review!**_


	8. I Just Don't Know

_**Hey, I'm super sorry it took me so long to update! I'll explain why after this chapter. :/ I've been focusing a lot on what Peeta's going through; I think it's Katniss's turn now.**_

**Chapter Eight**

**Peeta's POV**

Haymitch left the room to go get the first aid kit.

Katniss looks at me seriously. "Peeta, you have to tell us when these things happen. I mean, you were coughing up blood! I want to help you, but I... I just don't know how if you don't let me in."

She looks so upset; all I want to do is take her in my arms. I can't trust myself though. If I hurt Katniss, I don't know what I'd do. I need to keep her at a distance for her own good.

"I know you think that it's not safe, but bad things will happen if you shut yourself out." She puts her face in her hands and for the first time, I realize that she's probably suffered just as much as I have. A mutt can't feel that. A mutt can't feel pain or sorrow. They certainly don't feel concern.

"Katniss, you told me once that we protected each other. Is that still real?"

She looks up at me, barely holding tears back. "I don't know what's real anymore. I don't know how to tell." She whispered. Katniss pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face.

"Oh my gosh, Katniss, I had no idea… I didn't realize that… Oh gosh I'm sorry. I should've been there." I can't believe that I've been so absorbed in my own problems - coughing up blood to get rid of the poison in my system - that I didn't even think about how she was doing. On an impulse, I walk over to where she sits on my couch and pull her into my arms.

Katniss starts to pull away but looks into my eyes. I smile gently and she lets me pull her back into my embrace. "Hey, you know I had a dream last night? Last night was the first time in weeks that I haven't been hijacked or had a nightmare about you killing me. I dreamed about that night on the beach, back in the arena. Katniss, the only thing I ever knew for sure was taken away from me, and that was that I loved you. I… I think I still love you. I know that I love you." I say it with so much conviction that even my hijacked side would have to believe it.

I tip her chin up to me, and I think there's a glimmer of a smile behind the tears. Just maybe. I lean down and plant a short kiss on her lips, just long enough for her to know that what I just said was true.

**Haymitch's POV **_**(Sorry, I couldn't help this part. I just had to write it in Haymitch's POV and throw in this random useless part)**_

I wish that Katniss and Peeta would acknowledge each other as more than mere acquaintances. Maybe more than that, but still… It's like having to deal with eleven year olds sometimes, the way the two of them skirt around certain matters awkwardly. I thought things'd get better when Peeta asked if Katniss loved him, but right after that they went back to being indifferent to each other.

Katniss really wanted to help him and refused to show how much she was hurting inside, but she also refused to show any feelings she had for him. Of course she loves him, but will she acknowledge that? No.

I go digging around Peeta's house trying to find the first aid kit and grab a sandwich on the way back out, all the while contemplating what to do with my two victors. I kick a wall in frustration on the way to the living room and look up just in time to see Peeta lean down to kiss Katniss. My entry timing just isn't doing to great today.

**Katniss's POV**

There it is again, that feeling. That feeling that I had in the cave and on the beach. Instead of fireworks though, I feel a simple spark. A pleasant little light that makes me stop crying immediately. Throughout the Games, the only thing I ever knew as fact was that Peeta loved me. Once he was hijacked, my only one solid fact was taken away.

"I… I wish I weren't so confused, so unstable. I don't want to play with your emotions anymore." I say softly, turning away so he can't see my tears anymore.

**Peeta's POV**

"Hey, that wasn't your fault. You thought I was acting too. Don't beat yourself up over that, okay?" I don't know where any of this is coming from. It's like the little part of the real me that the Capitol didn't destroy was buried in my mind and it's finally surfacing again.

She doesn't answer me at first. "Katniss, I… I think I'm coming back. Did anything I just said sound like me? Real or not real?" She sighs and looks at me again. She opens her mouth to speak when I hear Haymitch walk in with a sandwich and in the back of my mind, I wonder how long he's been standing there.

"Real, Peeta. Real. No one else could kiss Katniss Everdeen and mean it like that except for Peeta Mellark." So he's been standing there at least that long.

"Besides," Haymitch adds, "The doctor says that he honestly isn't surprised at the fact that you've been getting worse and coughing up blood when you get hijacked. He said that that's how we know the poison is leaving your body. Now do I need to babysit you two or can you patch up your scrapes and bruises yourselves?"

_**Okay, so first I'll apologize again for not updating sooner. I understand that I promised to update in a couple days, but my computer doesn't. It crashed so I've been walking to the library every couple days to work on it (almost 6 miles round trip). I'm also sorry for Chapter 7. I normally write something and then read it an hour later to proof read and I didn't on the last one, so it came out pretty crummy all around. I hope this one is better!**_

_**As usual, PLEASE review! The more reviews I get, the faster I type on my dinky little blackberry (all I have to type on at the moment…) and they always make me throw my head back and start singing Queen music :D I will do my best to post Chapter Nine tomorrow because I had a brilliant idea this morning that I can't wait to write. If I didn't get the message across before, please review! I don't mind criticism.**_


	9. Always

_**Okay, question answering time! :D**_

_** .5: Well, not really a "kid." I'm 15 so… Yeah…. But I've been writing stories most of my life, so I've had some practice :)**_

_**Guest: Yeah, actually, what I kept doing (accidentally) was forgetting who's POV I was in and would switch half way through, then I'd have to go back and fix it again and somehow that happened….**_

_**xXNicklezXx: Hhmmm… I hadn't thought of that, but now I really want to throw Effie in. :D**_

_**So, I got the idea for this chapter last night when I was working on Chapter 8. Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts came on and somehow inspired this…**_

_**Alright, super long AN almost over. One last thing. This chapter takes place a couple days after the last one. Just a quick clarification ;)**_

**Chapter Nine**

**Katniss's POV**

I'm dreaming again.

I'm standing in a clearing in the woods. Far off in the distance, I see something blowing in the wind. Slowly, I start heading towards it. As I get closer, I realize that it's several things… No, people. There are people hanging in the trees.

I go to turn and leave. Whoever got hung there, I don't want to know. But after I walk a distance I glance over my shoulder and stumble because the hung bodies are now right behind me. I try to scream, but nothing comes out. Looking closer at the pale faces, I see everyone I've ever lost: Prim and my father holding hands, Finnick, Cinna… Everyone.

My father suddenly turns his head to look at me. He opens his mouth and-

No. I won't do this, not now. I remember how I used to deal with this. I sit down and put my head in my hands.

_I am Katniss Everdeen. I am just dreaming. I'm safe. I'm not dead, the rebellion is over._

I take a deep breath and look up again, but everyone still just hangs there. I am about to look away again when my father's corpse opens his mouth and he starts singing.

_Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

_Where they strung up a man who they say murdered three._

I know what song he's singing. And I want it to stop. I open my mouth to shout, but again, my vocal chords betray me. Slowly, everyone else turns to look at me and they join in with the song.

_Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight at the Hanging Tree_

It dawns on me. I know why they're singing that song. I should have died; I didn't deserve to live through the rebellion. Thousands of people died because of me. Why aren't I dead? I should be dead.

_Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

_Where the dead man called out for his love to flee_

_Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be_

_If we met up at midnight at the hanging tree._

I try to get up and run, but now I can't even move. A rope falls in front of me, with the knot already tied. I keep trying to scream, but somehow nothing will come out.

Out of the trees, President Snow starts walking towards me. He looks retched; his whole body is decomposing. He reaches out and places the noose around my neck. Slowly, it begins to tighten.

_Are you, are you coming to the tree? _

_Where I told you to run so we'd both be free. _

_Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be, _

_if we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

I don't want to die. Before, in 13, death sounded like a comfort. Now it sounds like some horrible curse. There's still something to live for.

The rope slowly raises me off the ground and I start to choke. At last, my voice works. I scream. It's combined with coughs and gags, but I can still scream. I scream for what seems like hours, trying to wake myself up, but nothing happens. It's been months since I've woken up screaming… Maybe I just can't wake myself up anymore.

**Peeta's POV**

It's a hot for a fall night, and I think that every window in District 12 is open to let some fresh air in (except for Haymitch… He says that he has a rat problem and they keep getting through the windows). I'm having one of those nights where you toss and turn all you want, but you never get any sleep. I look at the clock beside my bed. 1:24 a.m. Still lots of night to go.

I contemplate getting up and reading a book, but I'm still really tired and need some sleep. At the same time, I'm glad that I can't sleep because I might get hijacked and reckless.

Just as I start to doze off, I hear a scream come through my open bedroom window. I sit bolt upright; I know that scream.

It takes me less than a minute to pull my shoes on and get out the door. Sprinting across the street, right to Katniss's door, listening to her screaming the whole time; it's killing me. I rattle the doorknob, but it won't open.

Instead, I decide to take a leaf out of her book and climb through an open window, then run upstairs. If our houses weren't close to identical, I probably wouldn't even be able to find the stairs.

I need to get to her, wake her up, calm her down.

Katniss is curled up in her bed, screaming and choking. I rush to the side of her bed and shake her hard. "Katniss! Katniss, wake up! Come on, you're dreaming, wake up!" Her eyes flash open and she claws at her neck for a moment before she realizes where she is. Once it dawns on her, she puts her head against my shoulder and starts sobbing uncontrollably.

"It's all my fault Peeta! It's my fault they all died. I… I don't deserve to live." I have no idea what she's talking about, but I wrap my arms around her and start whispering. Anything that comes to mind, everything that might calm her down.

"Shhh… You're alright. I've got you Katniss. You're safe now, I promise. I love you. You'll be fine."

"No! You don't understand. Thousands of people all died because of me. Prim, little Prim… She should be alive, not me!" Katniss tries to pull away, but I refuse to let her go. It rattles me to hear her talking like that. The hurt in my face must be obvious because she stops and puts her head back down on my shoulder.

"Please don't say that Katniss. I need you. I'm so grateful you're alive, I can't even tell you. It's alright Katniss. It's not your fault any of those people died. I'm here, shhh, I'm here now. I love you, alright? I'll protect you. Always."

_**Well, there's Chapter Nine! I'm going to try really hard to get chapter 10 out today (no promises, but I'll try…)! I've got a lot to say here: First off, yay! 26 followers, 10 favorites, and over 2,000 views! To everyone following, YOU ROCK! I was thrilled this morning when I opened my inbox and had 27 emails all about Recovery. I think I'll do shout outs in the next chapter, so don't forget to review! Next off, thank you all for the feedback. I'm sorry if the last chapter was confusing, I'll try to limit my POV switches a little more… Also, writing from Haymitch's POV was most likely a one-time deal; I really couldn't help myself (tehehe). I hope I got all the words to The Hanging Tree correct… I don't have my copy of Mockingjay with me so I was putting it down by memory. Review! Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top!**_

_**P.S. *frowns* Spell Check thinks that Cinna isn't a word…**_


	10. No One is Taking That Away

_**Here we go, second chapter today! 8D Over 30 reviews! *Victory dance***_

**Chapter Ten**

**Katniss's POV**

"I'll protect you. Always." It's not in my nature to trust people when they make promises, but just now, I know that Peeta means it.

I go to push away again but he puts his hand against my back, keeping me right where I am. "Peeta, please. I… I just don't know. I already told you that I don't want to play with your emotions. I'm sorry…" I try to stand up but he doesn't let me.

"Katniss, you don't need to love me. The fact that you care makes a world of difference anyway. Remember, we watch out for each other. How many times have you told me that the past few months?" I melt inside when he says that. I'm confused enough as it is without Peeta telling me stuff like this. It's even harder to sort my feelings out when the images of all my lost love ones are still floating around in my head. Before I can stop myself, I choke up another sob.

"Hey, hey, shh… What's wrong?" He holds me and rocks back and forth… The same way he would back on the train, traveling through the districts.

"I… I just can't… I wish I could forget it all. The mine explosion, the look on Prim's face before she died… How do you do it? Peeta, how do you come to terms with everything that's happened?" I sob into his shirt as he continues to rock me.

"Well, I guess that's just the trick isn't it. You don't just forget. You can't just 'come to terms' with it all. You're not always okay at first. I didn't 'fall back' in love; it takes time to recover. Just remember Katniss, I love you, and no one is taking that away from you this time."

_**Okay, so that one was super short because I don't have a whole lot of time and there's a much longer one coming up.**_

_**Shout out time! :D**_

_**Tabitha22: Haha don't worry. It's not *that* creepy. I think anyone who could tolerate this story is an obsessive THG fan.**_

_**ilikebread1: OF COURSE CINNA IS A WORD! Tehe I added it to the dictionary and my brother got all ticked off…**_

_**GirlOnFire99: Aww, that was so sweet! Thank you! I love your comments, they always make me type faster. And the first of my many amazing reviewers, you are amazing! **_

_**xXNicklezXx: Haymitch is my favorite character too. I'm seriously considering doing a random one-shot about the 2nd Quarter Quell…**_

_**bekylou4jc: I'm glad you think it's different. I've been trying to keep it unique.**_

_**tatum1212: I'm updating, I'm updating! Thanks for following!**_

_**FredNeverDied: Somewhere in the world, a little Samsung device just beeped ;) Thanks for always reviewing, it means a lot! (by the way, you're user name is amazing)**_

_**AlwaysABrandNewDay: Thanks for following Caity! You're positive comments are some of the ones that make me go rushing back to the computer.**_

_**LoveHungerGamesJH: I hope I'm updating fast enough for you! One of the best compliments an author can get is hearing that someone needs the next chapter.**_

_**SweeterThanTheMockingjays: I'm very, very glad that you like my writing. I like writing! Haha thanks.**_

_**Zmusic2014: Thanks for following, reading, and reviewing! Makes my day.**_

_**Fire at Darkness: Thanks for reading! I'll try to avoid cliff hangers for you…**_

_**Iheartbakers: Well if you like cliff hangers, I guess I'll try to post them somewhat infrequently then… :/**_

_**Ditzyblondes101: Thank you for stopping by to check this out!**_

_**To all the silent followers, you are totally epic!**_

_**And of course, two of my closest friends:**_

_**Fred Weasley: YOU BETTER NOT BE DIGGING WITH DAN'S GOLF CLUBS AGAIN! Thanks for helping me out with this :X and telling me to stop being so harsh on myself whenever I write anything at all. The RA thing is coming up soon(ish)!**_

_**Mr. Squiggles: My harshest editor since 6th grade, always telling me when my ideas are flat out stupid. Thanks, I guess? Hurry up with your next chapter (I'll break the writer's block out of you with a skid loader if that's what it takes)!**_


	11. That One Sentance

_**Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since the last update. School. :/ I am taking a level 300 college replacement course at 15, so in my non-existent free time all I want to do is catch up on breathing… But here is chapter 11! Enjoy :D**_

**Chapter 11**

**Peeta's POV**

I put my head down on the table and close my eyes. Maybe if I close my eyes then I won't be able to see all the ghosts. For the first time, I truly understand what Katniss means about wanting to forget everything. I'm sweaty and cold and every time I look up I see ghosts. They have knives and they all want to kill me. I can hear Katniss screaming in the background and I can't do anything to help her.

I'm not sure what is happening next. I hear more screams, and I try to stand up but I shake too much and fall on my hands and knees. I am having troubles breathing. I don't understand what is happening to me. All I know is that I'm probably going to die. Something is really wrong. The screaming won't stop. I want to call out to Katniss, but all that comes out is an almost inaudible scratchy yell.

Spots appear on my vision and I begin to twitch. I can't control my muscles. What is happening? I keep thinking how much I wish I could see Katniss, go help her. I'm still thinking this when everything suddenly goes black.

**Katniss's POV**

Haymitch and I are sitting in a waiting room. I keep looking around, trying to find something to do. Everything about the room is dull. Light grey walls, dark grey chairs, white floor. Haymitch is leaning back with his feet on a low table. His eyes are closed but it's kind of hard to tell if he's asleep. Eventually I get up and start pacing and counting my steps. The waiting room is small; ten steps on one side, eight and a half on the other. I'm going crazy having nothing to do and not knowing how Peeta's doing or what is wrong with him.

My fighting nature can't stand being cooped up in this little room with no idea what's going on.

After what seems like an eternity and then some, a nurse walks out with a clipboard. Haymitch, who was 'asleep,' jumps up as agile as Haymitch could possibly manage and hurries over. After all that time trying to figure out what happened to Peeta, now I'm almost too scared to see what she has to say. Fortunately, she just hands Haymitch a piece of paper and says, "Here is Mellarks's medical report," and leaves the room.

Haymitch frowns as he scans the paper. Then his eyebrows shoot up. I can't take it any longer; I reach out and grab the sheet from his hands and want to scream at what it says. The first few lines are all about medical tests they ran and a million other things that I don't understand. I skip over most of it and find the line that makes a world of difference. My life, and the lives of the only two people close to me, have just changed on a dime.

"No… I just… No! This can't be right. It really can't be! After all this time, all those tests in 13, and they don't even realize until now?!" I can't believe what I just read.

"Does that actually make sense to you sweetheart? I can't even understand all that medical lingo nonsense they've got on there." Haymitch asks. I direct his attention to one little, critical sentence towards the bottom of the page and he swallows. "Don't worry. You know doctors, they're never optimistic about these things." I automatically think of Prim, who was optimistic about everything. Of course, I know Haymitch is probably right. They don't want us to get our hopes up, so that if Peeta recovers, they can claim that it was a medical miracle.

After a little while, the nurse returns and tells us we can see Peeta if we want. I stand up and offer my hand to Haymitch, but he shakes his head. "You go in on your own. I don't want to intrude."

I open my mouth to protest but my old mentor cuts me off. "I don't know if I can handle seeing him right now. Besides, you need to figure out your feelings for the poor boy, and you might want to do it soon."

Right now, I'm too worried to respond with something sharp the way I normally would, but I still hate it when Haymitch is right.

**Peeta's POV**

I am starting to get cabin fever, stuck in this little hospital room in District 12. Since the rebellion, Katniss's mother helped pass a legislation requiring each district to have at least 2 hospitals that met certain requirements and doctors with specific education. That meant that most of the doctors working on me had the bizarre features that could only be found on someone raised in the Capitol. Where else could anyone afford such good medical education?

They've finally taken all but one needle out of my arm, but I'm still on oxygen. No one will tell me what happened. I woke up in the same white sterile room that they've kept me in for most of the day. All that I know is that I was hallucinating. A nurse said that I had a seizure, but I feel like there is more to the story than that.

After hours of sitting alone, then answering questions, then letting nurses stick needles in my arm, leaving me alone for an hour or more, answering more questions, swallowing pills, then sitting alone for another two hours, I'm ready for a doctor to come in and hand me nightlock when the door opens. Instead, Katniss comes in. I could shout in relief, but my thought is hoarse and instead I just manage to rasp her name.

She walks slowly over to sit down in the chair beside my bed and sits down. She doesn't look at me; just stares at the floor. I wait for her to speak, but the look on her pale face tells me all I really need to know. It was more than a seizure and she's scared.

After a minute I say, "Hey Katniss."

"Hey Peeta." She still doesn't look at me.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. You?"

I smile. It's so typical of Katniss to say something like that. "Not much. How's Haymitch doing?"

"He's worried." She looks at me and I can see that Katniss is barely holding back tears. "He's scared, Peeta, he's so scared. He thinks we're going to lose you and Haymitch, he, he..." Her voice quavers and she chokes back a sob.

"Okay, Katniss, I know you're a lot like Haymitch, but do you have to talk about yourself like you're him?" This draws a flicker of a smile from her, but it only lasts for a moment and then she seems to remember something really horrible and her face becomes serious.

"Peeta, we need to talk. Did the doctors tell you what happened?"

"I had a seizure… That's not what happened, is it?" I can't help but get a little nervous.

She takes a deep breath and for the first time I see a piece of paper in her hands. "Well you did have a seizure. But there's more to it. You… you… Well, you're basically going through withdrawal. But this isn't like ordinary drugs or alcohol."

"Good, at least I won't turn out like Haymitch." I'm trying to relieve the tension, but it doesn't work. Poor Katniss seems so scared that I push myself upright and sit on the edge of the bed. Katniss looks like she's going to protest but doesn't. The doctors might have a heart attack if they see me sitting up, but I don't care. I reach out and lead Katniss over so she's sitting next to me. Wrapping my arms around her, I can feel how tense she is.

"Peeta, all those chemicals that you keep coughing up? Well they're… They're almost addicting. As long as it was in your bloodstream in huge amounts, you were fine. But you know how fast it would leave? For every drop of blood you coughed up, there was about half a gram of the hijacker. It takes 10 grams to become addicted."

She stops to let that sink in. It's a lot to process, but I think I get it. Katniss continues to speak when I nod. "It was never meant to leave your bloodstream. You were an experiment. Who knows what they were thinking when they injected you with this stuff? But it's almost all gone now. That's why you haven't been getting hijacked as much. The problem is that…" She takes a deep breath and tries to keep calm, but soon her whole body is wracking with sobs.

I take Katniss in my arms and hold her tightly. I don't know exactly what's wrong, but I take the paper from her hands gently and begin to read. There's one line that has been underlined in pencil and it sends a jolt down my spine.

The effects of the withdrawal will result in fatality, with the estimated time being approximately six months from the day of this report.

_** MWAHAHAHA I feel kinda' evil right now. First I don't update for almost a month, then I create the major plot conflict and give you a chapter delivering the news that Peeta's going to die (but at least this chapter is longer, right?). I promise I know where I'm going with this! Sorry about the cliffy… The more reviews I get, the sooner I will post chapter 12, because it's almost done!**_

_**-Skittles**_

_**PS THANK YOU Mr. Squiggles, Scoodles, Fred Weasely, my freshman buddy who needs a nickname, and Beckendorf for the ideas and help with this chapter (okay not really you Beckendorf 'cuz you just sorta shouted "YOU SHOULD KILL EVERYONE!" then walked off chuckling evilly the way you always do)**_


	12. Dr Kyle Kenta

_***Cue blackberry noises* Chapter 12! Yay! This chapter was the result of endless hours of wandering through a dark place known as writer's block, then running my head through that block in frustration. I am also in WAY too good a mood to be writing right now. When I listen to happy music like the stuff I have playing now and I'm generally super happy then I tend to write stupid stuff filled with inside jokes that only I will understand and I do horrible things to my main characters… Sorry 'bout that.**_

**Chapter 12**

**Katniss's POV**

Sitting in the doctor's office, I am ready to scream. I can't even imagine how Peeta's survived a week here, when I can hardly take an hour. Sterile tools, machines, everything white and grey. It's maddeningly like District 13.

I've listened to Dr. Kenta for what seems like ages as he rants like I'm expected to understand all of his "medical lingo" as Haymitch called it. I glance over at my old mentor sitting next to me. Dr. Kenta doesn't even seem to notice that he's asleep as he continues to ramble on about how to keep Peeta alive. I know I really should be paying attention, but he is making no sense whatsoever. I'm starting to wonder if doctors actually speak English.

Dr. Kenta, trained in the Capitol, had unnaturally pale skin and little reddish pearls set in his skin. I thought he looked like one of the people my mother would treat who had chickenpox.

"So, on a final note," I could cheer when he says that, "I have a list of preparations that must be made and ways that you can make Mr. Mellark more affluent, particularly in his final month or two." I shudder. It's outrageous. Dr. Kenta says there's a possible cure and they'll try it, and while they're prepping for the medical treatment that we should go dig his grave.

"We don't know that it'll be his final months. I'd prefer that as long as Peeta still has a chance, you don't talk about him like he's going to die."

"Whatever you say Ms. Everdeen." I hate the way he calls me that. That's what people called my mother, who left me twice, once mentally and once physically. I promise myself right now that I won't leave Peeta alone, not while he's going through this.

I stand to leave, but turn as I remember Haymitch. He jumps when I kick him in the shin and he swings a fist around at me. If it took me another nanosecond to duck, he'd probably have broken my jaw.

"Oh. Sorry sweetheart. Is Dr. Rambling Kenta done yet?"

Dr. Kenta looks like he's about to take offense when I cut him off. "Haymitch, his first name is…" I glance at the little nameplate he's wearing. "His first name is Kyle. Not Rambling." Haymitch rolls his eyes at me and I mumble in his ear through gritted teeth, "Subtlety for heaven's sake!"

"Oh, Ms. Everdeen, please don't forget to take this paper. It lists everything that Peeta's going to need and symptoms that might appear." As if they'd know. It's not like anyone's been hijacked before for them to test their theories on.

I take the paper and head towards the door after Haymitch when Dr. Kenta calls me back. "Oh, and Ms. Everdeen? Try not to get your hopes up about your boy. I really don't like his chances." I leave without another word, slamming the door behind me.

Haymitch is waiting for me right outside the door and mock cringes as I slam the door. "Subtlety, huh?"

_**Meh, short stupid filler chapter, but I kinda needed it here to help build up to other stuff. Sorry it's so lame, but I'm running short on time 24/7. Please R&R!**_

_**PS THANK YOU Mr. Squiggles for your help with the next couple chapters… Even though that disease idea isn't going to work :/**_


	13. District 12, Maker of Heroes

_**Well lucky you guys who I think are conspiring against me… I got sick last night and couldn't sleep, now my thought hurts so bad I can't swallow water, and all I have for company is my laptop. Therefore, you get another chapter. You can blame this horribly cheerful chapter on Peter Hollens, music I've been playing all morning. I know this sounds cliché, but his stuff is amazing and you should listen to his songs instead of reading this chapter, since Peeta's not getting better for a while…. *PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!***_

**Chapter 13**

**Peeta's POV**

I really hate not knowing what's going on. Katniss and Haymitch always used to hide things from me, then everyone conveniently forgot to mention the plot in the Quarter Quell, and then in District 13…. Never mind. I was a monster and would've killed someone if I knew everything going on.

After what… A week? A month? A nurse comes in, tells me to pack up because I'm going home in the morning. Not like I have anything to pack up. I finally get to go home tomorrow.

It's not as scary as I'd thought, the prospect of having an exact time frame set up for your death. Then again, isn't that what the Games were all about? No, at least Haymitch dropped by from time to time to tell me what the medical reports said and how the treatment would work. Even though it can't be put into action for another few months, I feel a little more secure knowing that there's a slim chance. Poor Katniss has been too upset to come by lately. The thing that scares me most is the idea of what'll happen to her. She's strong, always has been. But after everything she's been through, it's not fair that she has to feel so conflicted because of me without the stupid hijacking… Let alone the fact that I might die. I just know that somehow she'll find some way to treat this like it's her fault.

I lean back in the chair in my room by the door. As soon as Haymitch gets out of a meeting with Dr. Kenta, I can leave this place. I've had enough of it here.

But when the door opens, it's not Haymitch. It's Katniss, who I've missed for ages but didn't want to ask her to come back after our old mentor told me how scared and upset she was. At first, Katniss doesn't see me because the door swings in between my chair and where she stands. I stand up as she lets the door swing shut.

Katniss looks pale, but otherwise fine. She runs forward and I hold her close.

"I'm sorry. I should've come sooner. I was just too… Too scared. I was being selfish. I'm sorry." She whispers into my hospital gown. Then she pulls away and looks me up and down. "You look fine." She sounds almost surprised.

"Well, what'd you expect?" I thought that it was clear that I was joking but she just looked at me sort of despairingly. "Hey, we'll work this out, okay? Come on, I want to go home. I've been stuck in this hospital way too long." I start to walk towards the door but Katniss puts a hand on my chest, holding me back, and hands me a bag.

"Um… Maybe some real clothes first?" I smile and take the bag behind a curtain in the room. It's just an old shirt and a simple pair of pants, but it feels good to be wearing something other than a hospital gown.

When I walk out, I see Katniss pull a picture out of a pocket, and I realize that she's wearing her old hunting jacket. She's sitting on the edge of the hospital bed and I sit next to her to see what the picture is of. It shows Finnick with an arm over Annie's shoulder. "I said something like that to him once… It's my fault Annie's left alone right now."

I look at her meaningfully. "Katniss, no one ever really leaves us if we love them. Finnick is still watching over Annie. Prim is still out in your yard playing. I'll have your back, no matter what happens."

Katniss meets my eyes and looks like she's trying to figure something out. Then she shrugs. "Come on. I bet you're eager to get out of here."

Walking through District 12, I see how little has changed. There's always been something that seemed to set our district apart. Maybe it's just the hard, determined people bred here. People like Katniss. Most buildings are already re-built and mines are being re-opened. Haymitch joined us on the way out of the hospital.

At first I think that we're heading home, but we aren't. I look questioningly at Haymitch. "There's something we want you to see first." And we continue on in silence, walking through the place I call home.

Eventually I realize where we're headed. We stop at the place where my parent's bakery used to be. But unlike most places, it hasn't been re-built. Instead, there're several life-sized bronze statues. I see the likenesses of Cinna, Portia, Haymitch, even Effie, standing there. In the front, sculptures of Katniss and me are holding hands in the air. But other than that, we all look like normal people. No flames or weapons. The statue of Haymitch actually has a bottle in its hand. The placement of the figures doesn't make sense at first, because the old bakery was pretty far back where no one would really see it. Then I see it. An inscription has been placed below the statues. It said:

Heroes Aren't Born,

They're Made

District 12, Maker of Heroes

_**Okay, I thought that was just cheesy. I had a hard time writing this chapter because 2 of my friends and sort of editors called me from school and really distracted me… Haha thanks for that Scoodles and Beckendorf. Please don't forget to review!**_


	14. The Fight

_**:( I feel terrible. I don't think I posted a single chapter in October. I also think I only got 2 hours of sleep the entire month because of all the crazy courses I'm taking at school. I promise I didn't forget about you guys, but I almost never have time to right anymore. The goal was to get this chapter up on Tuesday but the entire file with everything I've ever written for FF got deleted in a computer failure. I get an entire week of for Thanksgiving and I will post as much as I possibly can then. Thanks for tolerating my lack of ability to write anything :/**_

**Chapter 14**

**Katniss's POV**

"Relax. It's just the poison. All it is is the poison leaving your body. It'll pass soon, I'm sure." I can tell Peeta doesn't believe me. I'm not sure I believe myself.

Peeta sits in his kitchen with a worried look. He's clutching the edge of the table and his eyes are slightly glazed over. "You don't need to sit this through Katniss. I know this bothers you, you can just leave." He's shaking and I'm surprised he can even sit up. All of a sudden, he starts coughing.

"Oh no, not again!" I moan to myself as he drags his hand across his mouth. It comes away bloody, with some disgusting green _stuff_ mixed in. It takes all my willpower not to run away. I grip his shoulder and look anywhere but at him until he stops gagging.

"Stay here. I'll go get a towel or something to clean this up. Try to relax." I can see that Peeta's about to protest, so I add. "For me? Please, I need to feel like I'm doing something."

Of course, that's only half true. If I don't distract myself quickly I could be sick, but Peeta didn't object so I just leave it at that.

When I come back with a rag, Peeta is already wiping poison and blood off the table.

"Here, let me do that." I reached for the towel but he jerks his hand back.

"JUST STOP KATNISS! Please, let me do something myself!"

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss shrinks back momentarily, then stands up straight without looking at me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted. I'm just scared. I'm so sorry Katniss." My voice breaks over her name.

"Don't be. It's not wrong to be scared if you… If you might… When there's a chance that…" She chokes back a sob and steps close. Katniss puts her forehead against my chest, wraps her arms around my neck. I go to hold her, but realize that I'm still holding the dirty rag. Before I can set it down, she steps back and brushes a lone tear off her cheek. It kills me to see her like this, barely able to hold it together, more than any poison ever could.

"I should be apologizing. The last thing you need is for me to fall apart over you." That's it. She's convinced that I'm scared for myself.

"Katniss, I'm not afraid of death. You should understand that. What I'm afraid of is what it's doing to you. I can't help feeling like I need to protect you, and I don't want to leave you alone. I love you so damn much Katniss, and I don't know what'll happen if I die because…" I stop. Because what? Katniss is strong. Stronger than me.

"You're scared of what will happen to me because of what? Peeta, I love you too and I can't do anything to help you! You're dying, damn it, and I can't even take away a little bit of your pain. Why the hell are you scared for me?! I can recover, but you? Stop being so noble all the time!" Katniss has tears streaking her face by the time she stops shouting, but doesn't seem to notice. I can hardly process what she's saying, I'm completely shocked. I never realized that it hurt her when I try to be strong.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I never knew that-"

"No! Stop apologizing! You treat this like it's all your fault! I just whish there was some way to fix this stupid problem!"

So that's what you're all worked up about? Some 'stupid problem' that you can't fix?" I don't know why I'm shouting back, am I hijacked? I feel like I still have rational thought and control.

"Well if you don't want me to try and help, then maybe I should just leave!"

"Fine. I don't need someone to nanny me."

I don't know what I was expecting. I know I wasn't expecting Katniss to leave. Or maybe I was, but went on like an idiot despite that. Either way, she stormed out and I just stand in my kitchen wondering what I just did.

_**Oh dear, I didn't know what I intended by this chapter, but I guess it's a cliffy of sorts. Sorry. I promise I won't leave you guys hanging very long this time! Please review, it makes me forget homework long enough to go write something.**_

_**Also, thanks to FredNeverDied for reminding me to write and tolerating me not helping her phone…Sorry.**_


	15. Thoughts

_**I FIGURED IT OUT! I know why the computer keeps dying on me. There are monsters chewing on the wires inside the walls. They're small and green and carry little ray guns. I'm fairly certain that they're in league with the phantom badgers that my dog keeps barking at.**_

_**It's really hard to write depressing stuff when I'm listening to the minions from Despicable Me. :P This chapter is a little shorter, but I hope you like it.**_

**Chapter 15**

**Katniss's POV**

I don't do anything. For nearly a week, I stare out the window. Sometimes I eat. I don't sleep because I'm afraid of what nightmares might come.

And I feel useless.

I_ am_ useless. And confused and lost and scared. I want to go make amends with Peeta, but I don't think he wants to hear it. He made it clear he doesn't want me around. I can respect that. I have to.

Besides, I don't think I can take being around him without helping at all. It drives me crazy. And when I do try to help, he only seems sad or frustrated. I'm a do-er, I need to take action when I see a problem.

**Peeta's POV**

I haven't done much but paint lately. Even more than normal. After the fight, I picked up a pencil and started drawing, without really thinking about what I was doing. It wasn't for nearly three days that I realized that I had drawn Katniss.

Katniss, crying over a grave in the field where they buried everyone from 12. I didn't pay any attention to what I was doing until I realized that it was _my_ grave.

I can hear her cry softly some nights through the open windows. I want to go comfort her so bad, but I don't think she wants me around. Thinking of me stresses her out and upsets her. If I'm going to die, I want to be far away from her. Make it less painful for her.

I've been hijacked more and more frequently since the fight. It had all but stopped before then, when I was always close to Katniss. Since she stormed out, I got worse.

And I realized something. Something about what I feel around her, it's more than love. I think. I can only know for sure if I try and tell her. Things always seem set in stone once I tell Katniss.

But how can I tell her any of those things if I might die? Maybe if the treatment works, we can try and fix things. But I don't know if that's really an option at this point.

_**Yeah I know it's super short. But better than nothing, right?**_

_**Okay, right now, I need to get something SUPER important out of the way. So I know that I'm not a super great author, and I only get about 5ish reviews for every chapter, but I want to tell you reviewers how much you guys mean to me. I've been going through some really rough times lately, and there was a point where I want to give it all up: writing, horses, school, photography, music, friends, and everything that makes me who I am. I wanted to completely throw in the towel. You few reviewers helped me pull through with the some of the stuff you said about this amateur little story here. So really, thanks, with a huge virtual hug for everyone, because I can't put into words how much you guys mean to me. I'm not THAT good of a writer ;)**_


	16. Open the Door

_**I had to re-write this chapter over ten times because I wasn't happy with it. I'm still not happy with it, but this is getting tedious. I was hoping to get this up yesterday, but I got kicked off the computer and was told to stop being an isolationist writer because it was Christmas.**_

**Chapter 16**

**Katniss's POV**

Every night is the same. Lying down on the couch listening to the unending rain, exhausted and drained after a day of nothing, fighting sleep. All I want is to find Peeta and hold him, but I can't. I can't hurt him again. I won't even risk it. Haymitch says I should go apologize and talk to him instead of keeping my distance, but what does he know? He didn't see the look Peeta gave me when I started yelling…

Fine, I know I'm being selfish. But I'm scared that I'll get close to him, too close, and then lose him. Again.

And I nearly went crazy last time that happened.

Despite my best efforts, I fall asleep, and watch Peeta die - thinking I hate him, without knowing the truth…

**Peeta's POV**

I've learned that everything becomes easier when I keep myself busy. It leaves less time for thinking. And with the operation just a couple weeks away, thinking gets to be very bad, very fast. So I paint, I bake… I find it frustrating to no end that this is how I spend what could be my last few days, painting and baking. But there's nothing else to do.

I've almost gone back to Katniss several times, just to see if she's okay. But she's tough, and I know that she'll get by. At least, I hope so… I remember her being strong, but at times she also seemed... Fragile. It's hard to remember clearly.

I can't sleep, and don't really want to, for that matter. For what seems like the billionth night in a row, it's raining. District 12 in the spring. I'm zoned out on the couch, so it's surprising that I can even hear the knock on my door over the storm.

I roll to my feet and walk slowly to the door. It's probably Haymitch, here to offer me a drink again. Like that's the solution to every problem.

Opening the door, it isn't Haymitch like I expected. In fact, it's the last person I expected.

Katniss.

Soaked, tearful, shivering, beautiful Katniss. She looks up at me while I stand there gaping like an idiot, and gives me a small smile that melts my heart. "Sorry-" She starts, but I wrap an arm around her shoulders and bring her into the house before she can finish.

"Katniss, what are you doing here? And why on earth do you think you have any reason to be sorry? I should be apologizing, not you. Oh my goodness, you're freezing! What on earth were you doing out in the rain like that?" I stop to take a breath and see just how bad she is. She's shaking so bad it's a miracle that she can even stand.

She just shakes her head and murmurs, "Sit down. Please."

Without wasting another moment, I sit her down in a chair and wrap a blanket around her shoulders. "Are you alright?" I ask while I brush some lose strands of wet hair out of her face.

Katniss curls up in the chair while I hover anxiously. "I had to tell you… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I was afraid you wouldn't come to the door."

"What do you mean?" I ask, wondering why on earth she has any reason to be sorry.

"Because I was standing outside your door for five minutes knocking before you answered." Katniss gives me a weak smile, and I don't even have the heart to explain what I really meant.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get you something to eat before you freeze to death. Just stay here for a minute." I rub her shoulder and turn to leave, but she calls after me.

"Wait! I have something to tell you."

_**Yeah, I couldn't make this sound the way I wanted it to… And I think Peeta was a little OOC. But like I said, this chapter is getting tedious. Merry Christmas to everyone, please don't forget to review! ;)**_


	17. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

Hey guys, I know I've been AWOL for ages… As in four and a half months… :/ I am super, super, super sorry about this, but I'm trying to get a job, get a car, hopefully get a story published in my state's literary paper for students, pass all my crazy courses, and get my stupid a$$ computer replaced, so things are a bit overwhelming right now (just a bit).

I really hate to say this, but I'm going to be suspending Recovery until the last week of May. :,( I'm really sorry about this (gosh I need to stop with the maniac adverbs, they're making me sound like an idiot), but I didn't want to keep putting off writing this without an explanation. I promise I'll be back ASAP, as soon as all my AP exams are over.

Signing off until then,

SkittlesGal


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